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Topics - angeline

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LET'S TALK LOVE / 5 Traits That Bag a Boyfriend
« on: May 01, 2009, 12:13:35 AM »
1. You're just that into yourself. A woman may have smarts, sensual appeal, and a sense of humor, but if she doesn't have self-confidence, most guys will take a pass. Single women with low self-esteem come across as extremely needy, explains Jim Houran, PhD, relationship psychologist. They have to be the center of attention and are constantly looking for reassurance and compliments. And even if you find a guy who at first is willing to be your personal cheerleader, before long he's probably going to start to agree with all the demeaning stuff you say about yourself and take a hike.
Surprisingly, the way to show you aren't that girl isn't necessarily to promote yourself, but rather to simply display interest and curiosity in the guy, says Houran. He'll take that willingness to share the spotlight and put someone besides yourself first as a sign of confidence.
2. You've got a burning passion... and not just for him. Whether it's a hobby, a job, classes, or a buzzing social life, single men are undeniably attracted to women with clear interests and lots of enthusiasm, according to Houran. It's as easy as dropping a few subtle hints about, say, the adventure you and your friends went on last weekend or how psyched you are to be on a new project at work. The benefits are twofold: The guy won't feel totally responsible for your happiness -- a huge weight to put on a new love interest -- and he'll be more inclined to want to be a part of your multifaceted life.
3. You know how to compromise. This is one of the most important skills to have if you're looking to get into a long-term relationship, emphasizes Houran.
“Being flexible is a huge turn-on to guys, since it means less conflict and a smoother partnership in general”
Being flexible is a huge turn-on to guys, since it means less conflict and a smoother partnership in general, he adds. If a guy senses that the girl he's dating isn't willing to try to meet both their needs, he envisions a future of trivial disagreements, fighting, and ultimatums -- not exactly the makings of a happy twosome. Prove you know how to compromise early on by letting him weigh in on the restaurant choice or not acting annoyed if he needs to reschedule plans.
4. You dress for guys, not girls. If you're not turning heads, it could be because you dress to appeal to a woman's taste and not a man's taste. Skinny jeans, babydoll dresses, peasant tops -- all super cute, but you might as well be wearing a Snuggie. Men want to see curves, so stick with boot-cut jeans and a top that shows off your shoulders and waist. Just don't reveal too much, since that can come off as desperate.
5. You're over your ex. Nothing kills a budding romance quicker than being hung up on an old boyfriend. So before you get serious with a new guy, make sure you're not hoping -- or worse, trying -- to get back together with the ex or looking for someone just like him. It's relationship-repelling for two reasons: No eligible bachelor wants to feel like he's in an unwinnable competition, and if you're living in the past, you won't truly be motivated to meet and make a connection with new guys. So ladies, move on and get an upgrade.

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HEALTH WATCH / He Likes Me -- Doesn't He?
« on: April 20, 2009, 09:30:05 AM »
Times have changed.  The days of Rhett Butler telling Scarlett O'Hara he didn't give a damn are long gone.  That's a shame in some ways. At least it made dating simple.  Nowadays, guys try to be considerate in an attempt to not hurt your feelings.  His miscues make it hard to know whether he's really into you, just wants to be friends or would love for you to switch phone plans.  While words might not be his strong point, his actions are.  Keep an eye out for these kinds of behavior.

   1. He actively takes an interest in you and what you have to say.  He's not just nodding and smiling and checking his watch every five minutes like you're trying to sell him life insurance.  There's eye contact.  He's actively listening.  He's asking questions, relating things you say to his own experiences.  If he's really good, he'll remember something you said and incorporate it in a future date. Try not to act too surprised. 
   2. He's forthcoming.  He wants you to know about him.  This manifests itself in a bunch of ways.  He'll share personal details about himself.  He'll even be eager to cough up basic factoids such as phone numbers, his address and place of work.  If he isn't giving up this kind of info, then he doesn't want you tracking him down -- or he's Batman or Superman.  So if he doesn't live at Wayne Manor or the Fortress of Solitude, give it up.
   3. He'll mark his territory.  He won't pee on you or anything per se, but he will exhibit some animal behavior.  If he's decided he wants you as his female, he won't want to lose you.  If there's any chance that you might be snapped up by another male, he'll stake his claim.  He'll be tactile with you, slipping an arm around you, possibly posturing and standing up when another guy walks onto the scene.  Watch out for some regression to a more primitive man.  If you hear grunting, don't panic.  It's his way of saying he likes you.
   4. He calls you back.  Despite the stereotype, he will call you back.  If you're a girl in demand, he won't want you to be the one that got away, so he'll call you to set up the next date or ask how you're doing.  If you're getting calls for no reason, that's a good thing. However, you may want to invest in a good phone plan.
   5. He'll check you out.  You'll bring out his spy skills in a good way.  He'll talk to your friends to get the 411 on you.  He wants to know more about you -- your past, your present, your likes and dislikes, water hazards, etc.  He's doing his homework because he wants to impress you.  He's gathering this intelligence so he knows how best to woo you.
   6. He's flirtatious.  Guys get playful around women they like.  It's a little dance he's doing around you to show his interest and his daring.  However, he's not just being flirty, he's also probing.  He's putting on a little show for you to see if you'll reciprocate.  The more you play, the more he stays.  Now shake that tail feather.
   7. He's always planning ahead.  If he digs you, he won't want you getting away from him.  To make sure you aren't prey to some other guy, he'll be making plans for the next date before the current one is over.  A full calendar is a good sign.
   8. He's attentive.  He's been listening to you, and knows what you like and where you like to go.  He treats you to your favorite things and places.  He'll spring surprises.
   9. He'll blow off his buddies to be with you.  It's always tricky managing existing commitments with burgeoning relationships.  There are bound to be conflicts of interest at the some point.  So take it as a good sign when he'll ditch going out with the boys to see you instead. 
  10.  Acts of selflessness.  He'll take one for the team of you and him.  These can be large or small acts.  They can be as small as holding your hair back for when you've got stomach flu, or as large as suffering through a Celine Dion concert and pretend he's enjoying it because you're a fan.  Now “that's the power of love.”

Okay, he's doing his part, but what about you?  You've got him wrapped around your little finger, but don't get cocky.  You can lose him in the blink of an eye with a few classic screw-ups.

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HEALTH WATCH / "nice guy syndrome"
« on: April 17, 2009, 01:06:26 AM »
A little more about Dave: He is well-off, takes care of Jill as a friend, and asks her to do fun things all the time... you know... dates? Imagine!
I had a friend who is now married who suffered from the "nice guy syndrome." On one occasion, we were standing in a bar and he announced that he had to walk five blocks to the subway station to pick up his date and walk her to the bar. We were none too pleased with this: Maybe we are not old-fashioned enough, but we figured if a girl makes it out of the New York subway, she should be capable (and independent) enough to walk five blocks to a bar.
His worst showing of being too nice was when he was on a first date with a girl and he walked her into the subway station (behind the turnstile -- he paid even though he wasn't riding the train) and waited with her for the train to come. When she stepped onto the train, he then ran along as the train was leaving, waving through the window at her until he couldn't keep up.
His gentlemanly strategy did not pay off. A few weeks later, I ran into her and they were no longer seeing one another. She joked about the train run-along and proceeded to hit on me. Was he too nice, or was she just a bad seed? Maybe a little bit of both.
Is it possible for a guy to be too nice? Here are some ways that this could ring true:

#1: He's So Nice, He Can Only Be a Friend
Hey, a good friend is hard to find. What sometimes happens when we get into a relationship? It eventually runs its course and ends, which means awkwardness and/or change in both of you, since you started off as friends. Maybe you can recover and remain buddies, but is it worth the risk if you find that you're really good friends with a nice guy? Also, sometimes the nice guy just has no edge, so he's destined to be just a friend.

#2: He's So Nice, He's Not Challenging Enough
I've recently learned from your comments: Women enjoy the thrill of the chase a bit too much. People like to wonder what's going to happen, that nerve-racking first few months when the "training wheels" are still on the relationship. And, no matter how much we try to deny it, we do like that we've won someone over instead of just having them give themselves up to us. If a guy is too easy, he may be ruining his chances.

#3: He's So Nice, He'll Always Be There
I've seen some friends take their time with a nice guy. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Maybe a woman wants to meet some new guys and "sow her wild oats" while the nice guy fawns over her. She enjoys keeping him in her life as a friend, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knows that she can probably return to him later. Again, it's all about risk management: If you want to take the risk of him meeting someone else, then go for it.

#4: He's TOO Nice, You Can't Trust Him
Sometimes people are so nice that it seems like they might have sinister overtones. I always see it on Lifetime movies: The guy comes into the woman's life and he is just perfect. Then he slowly disintegrates into a psycho freak. Perhaps a guy can come off as so nice in the beginning that he appears to be covering up for something bad. A woman might avoid a relationship with him if something just doesn't feel right. What makes a guy too nice or "friend" material instead of dating material? Do you avoid getting into relationships with a guy who's too nice, or is he destined to be a "friend"?

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LET'S TALK LOVE / Is love of something or of nothing?
« on: March 18, 2009, 04:38:12 PM »
Last week in Philosophy class, we were discussing Plato's Symposium. This question came up and it got me thinking..."Is Love about loving something or loving something you don't have?"

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