DEALING WITH PARTNER PROBLEMS BY COMMUNICATING

DEALING WITH PARTNER PROBLEMS BY COMMUNICATING

We each deal with much confusion, alienation from the partner , grief fear depression and a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.
This is the very reason the Forum is so valued and works well for most.

I would like to do a test run on a Topic which isn't here .....as yet. Help to assist the saving of your relationship when you see it is in trouble and you need advise as well as a place to 'speak' the events you fear may happen.


                  " I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You! "




If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a cheating spouse will say. It is often said by a spouse going through midlife crisis also. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to loose sight of his/her true feelings. The cheating spouse will develop what I call hormone - induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some much-skewed thinking.

This is what I feel happens in many relationships that fall victim to infidelity.

The spouse who strays has spent years investing time, emotion and energy in the marriage. They may feel that no matter what they do, they cannot or, are not getting what they feel they need from the relationship. They lack the skills to do something different, something that might work in their favour and finally get them what they need from the relationship. They get stuck in a negative place.

People who are stuck can see no way out, they view their problems as permanent and many times think the only way to get unstuck is to turn to someone else. A new relationship is a great way to distract themselves from the problems in a marriage. You are suddenly unstuck and enjoying the lust and passion that comes with a newfound relationship. All of a sudden, they are getting every thing they think need from another man or woman. After years of not getting their needs met in the marriage this can be a huge relief.

If you are reading this article and are someone who has found relief in a relationship with someone other than your spouse, I have something I want you to do. Before you destroy your marriage by leaving for another person, I want you to think about what you are really feeling. Don’t use the new relationship as a distraction to keep you from being honest with yourself and your spouse. If you are a cheating spouse make sure that one of the problems below is not causing you to throw your marriage away just to keep from having to deal with them open and honestly.
        
  SO ! Do you feel your spouse is… THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT EACH ONE      SITUATIONALLY ...in your life, or...the reverse are you becoming like this.....

    * Controlling

    * Dismissive of your feelings.

    * Is financially irresponsible

    * Not spending enough time with the family.

    * Rejecting you sexually.

    * Working too much.

    * Not working with you as a couple to make the marriage better.

    * Add your own.................

Whatever you feel the problems are in the marriage you owe it to yourself and your spouse to get honest with him/her. It may not be easy, it may be painful for your spouse but it is the only way to solve problems because the “I love you but I’m not in love with you,” statement is a sign that something is wrong in the marriage. You may find that, after you open up to your spouse that you are playing a role in your own unhappiness.

If you are reading this on the Forum and your spouse has said, I love you but I’m not in love with you, then view it as an opportunity to open up to your spouse about how you feel in the relationship. When hearing such a statement it is easy to become panicked, to go on the defensive and react in a negative way. You need to not only say what is on your mind but to also listen to what your spouse has to say.

It is important for both spouses to try to see it from the perspective of the other spouse. You may think you’ve been an outstanding wife or husband. Your spouse may have another opinion. If you are willing to listen openly, you may find that you have fallen short. That there are things your spouse needs from you that you have not given.

The only way to know if the “I love you but I’m not in love with you statement,” is coming from someone who is stuck or someone who truly is no longer in love is to be willing to explore the problems in the marriage/partnership and take responsibility for your part in the problems. If, after doing this, the marriage still fails you can both move on knowing you tried to work through the problems. You will have both grown and learned from the situation and hopefully won’t take the same issues into a new relationship.


Remeber if you will in another relationship, you still have to take out the garbage , wash dishes, maintain house...etc etc.....and if you think the grass may be greener elsewhere don't forget,...you still need to mow it.

Take good care of your commitments the next may be the pits.
Colin

"Truth has power. Even if I don't understand you, I will know that you're telling the truth, 'coz it will resonate within me."

"Truth is, I'll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach each other with suspicion or to approach each other with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candour. (Tom Hanks)"

Honesty
Artist: Billy Joel

If you search for tenderness
it isn't hard to find.
You can have the love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can always find someone
to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face
to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can find a lover.
I can find a friend.
I can have security until the bitter end.
Anyone can comfort me
with promises again.
I know, I know.

When I'm deep inside of me
don't be too concerned.
I won't as for nothin' while I'm gone.
But when I want sincerity
tell me where else can I turn.
Because you're the one I depend upon.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
 

Honesty by Billy Joel With Lyrics

jacquie lou maravilla
1 month ago
 
the word honesty has depths and weights.... no matter how we chase everything what we chase in the end r always meaningless................but if we look at it in negatively the joy in our hearts will always be stolen by kind of people we met everyday... But there is always a positive insights "what we hold on, what we know, and what we hold in our hands" That is what they never can find and could never understand no matter how they tried to understand they can't! Even they laugh and find u stupid and been insulted face to face... It just prove their worth and meaning....Cheer up if unever find what ur looking for.... because this world is rotten and dying. what is real cannot be find here but in our hearts we know where to find it! Life is still beautiful.....

Couldn't agree more.