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Post Valentine Jokes

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M

MsC

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Post Valentine Jokes
« on: February 20, 2009, 09:07:32 AM »
Just for laughs                         
                                                                       
Makabagong kasabihan: Kagandahan edition
       
1 ) Para sa magaganda: "aanhin mo ang ganda, kung wala ka namang papa."                           
2 ) Para sa gustong magpaganda/retokada : "kung gusto mong lumandi, tiisin mo ang hapdi"                   
3 ) Para sa mga feeling magaganda: "talbog ang matigas na tinapay sa tigas ng mukha ng 
                                                   nagmamagandang inday"             
4 ) Para sa mga walang ganda: "mabait man daw at magaling, ang chaka- chaka pa rin"                       
                                                                       
                                     ****                             
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I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
M

MsC

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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2009, 09:09:36 AM »
Words to live by ng mga bading (hehehe)       

"Walang kaibi-kaibigan pag agawan na ng dyowa ang usapan"

"Sa hinaba-haba man ng prusisyon, bading din pala ang magiging karelasyon."                           

"Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare"
   
"Aanhin mo ang guwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa iyo?"
 
"Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling dyowa, sa mga bath houses naglipana."
                       
"Matalino man daw ang bading, napeperahan pa rin."
 
*******                               
T: Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman kung matanda na tayo?   
S: 'Yung paggising mo, tapos, pagtingin mo sa tagiliran, matanda rin ang iyong katabi.                           
***                               
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I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
M

MsC

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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2009, 09:10:21 AM »
Symptoms of a CERTIFIED SINGLE:
                 
·       Mahilig kumain.                   
·       Panalo ang social life. Alam lahat ng gimikan at mall sale.
·       Hayok sa tulog.                   
·       Gadget-addict.                   
.       Sa cellphone, group message nang group message ng quotes.
·       Ngumingiti kahit nag-iisa.             
·       Tumataba.                       
·       Porma to the max.                   
·       Mukhang happy kahit hindi naman talaga.       

Symptoms of a CERTIFIED TAKEN:   
             
·       Walang pera.                     
.       Mukhang ngarag at laspag.               
·       Kuripot.                       
·       Blooming, kasi, kailangan para hindi iwan.     
·       Walang social life kundi dyowa niya.         
·       Boring kausap.                   
***                               
Logged
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
M

MsC

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  • God is good...All the time! :)
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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2009, 09:10:59 AM »
Mga PAMATAY na HIRIT                       
"Kumain ka ba ng asukal? Ang tamis kasi ng ngiti mo!"     
 
"May lahi ka bang keyboard? Type kasi kita!"         
 
"Ipapupulis kita! Ninakaw mo kasi ang puso ko!"       
 
"Are you a dictionary? Kasi, you add meaning to my life."   
 
"Meron ka bang lisensya? Kasi, you drive me crazy."     
 
"I lost my number. Can I have yours?"             
 
"Angel ba ang name mo? Kasi, you look like one."       
 
"I forgot your name. Can I call you mine?"         
 
PAMATAY na REPLY                         
"Excuse me, kumain ka ba ng mais? Ang corny mo kasi!"     
 
                                    ***                               
Logged
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
M

MsC

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  • God is good...All the time! :)
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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2009, 09:19:14 AM »
7 tips para maiba naman ang araw mo:         

1.       Sikmuraan ang unang taong kasalubong at humingi ng sorry.                             
2.       Uminom ng pampatulog labanan ito, magexercise.
3.       Tibagin ang bahay gamit ang kutsara at buuin muli.
4.       Himatayin kunwari sa daan, tiyaking may tao.
5.       Tahiin ang puwet at magpatingin sa doctOR 
6.       Kurutin ang nakababatang kapatid pagkatapos unahan mong  umiyak.                           
7.       Makapagtitigan sa isda. Huwag titigil hanggat hindi ito kumukurap?                         
                                     ****                              
                                                                       
                       
Logged
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
M

MsC

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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2009, 09:20:03 AM »
MISTER: wala akong tulog dahil naiisip ko P500K na utang ko kay pare.
MISIS: madali yan! Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mong hindi ka makakabayad
              sa utang mo para siya naman ang hindi makatulog!         
                                      ****                             
JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,
            swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?       
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.                 
                                      ****                             
JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.                   
JEEP DRIVER: saan galling?                   
JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin.                     
JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan?                   
JEEP PASSENGER: sayo.                       
                                                                       
                                                                       
Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?               
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya,                             
       kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.           
Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!?                     
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!     
                                     ****                             
Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.                           
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?               
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.               
                                                                       
                                    ****                               
Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!             
Dad: Bakit?                           
Son: Hin alikan ko po ang seatmate ko.             
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?     
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.                     
                                     ****                             
Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!               
Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!                 
Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh.
                                     ****                             
Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng
          picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito,
          natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.                  
                                                                       
                     
Logged
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
M

MsC

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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2009, 09:21:24 AM »
                                                 
Sintomas ng PINOY LOVE:                   

As if walang pakialam pero deep inside, worried na? miss na miss na...
Pag nag-text, "So what?" daw Pero later, magre-reply rin naman.
 
Pa-erase-erase pa ng # kunwari pero? hello? memoryado naman 'yung #.

Kapag hindi tine-text ng bf/gf niya, kunwari, na-wrong send para magpapansin.
                           
Ayaw mag-text pero nagtatanong sa barkada ng bf/gf niya kung kumusta na.

Haaayy? LOVE nga naman sa Pilipinas, oh? pang-adik!       
                                                                       
             
Logged
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
w

willyramasola

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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2009, 09:30:06 AM »
mukhang hinalungkat talaga ni kathlene mga emails jokes nya ha...hehehe...peace!
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M

MsC

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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2009, 09:32:50 AM »
                                                         
GREAT FACTS                           

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee

Marriage is a relationship wherein one person is always right and the other person is the husband.                   

They said we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.                           

The human brain functions 24 hours/day, 365 days/year until you fall for someone?                             

BERTO: Ano ang mas mahalaga, pera o asawa?           
ROMY: Syempre, pera! Kasi, ang pera, habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang interes. Ang asawa, habang tumatagal, nawawalan ka ng interes, tapos, inuubos pa ang pera mo HILARIOUS!!!                           

2 Mag-amiga naglasing. Paguwi natae sila at sa sementeryo inabutan. Ang
isa ginamit ang panty pamunas tsaka tinapon. Yung isa, nakakita ng bouquet
ng flower sa puntod at ginawang pamunas.             

Kinabukasan, sabi ng mga asawa nila:               
JUAN:Pare, bantayan natin mga misis natin?Misis ko umuwi kagabi  walang panty!                             
PEDRO: Mas grabe misis ko pare?Merong card nakadikit sa puwet na may
nakasulat "We'll never forget you. From all the guys at the
OPERATIONS DEPT."                             
                                     ****                               
 
Logged
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
M

MsC

  • *****
  • 13138
  • God is good...All the time! :)
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Re: Post Valentine Jokes
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2009, 09:35:42 AM »
                                    ****                             
Guwapo nagtext: Luv, p load nman P100.       
Bakla: Ok! (Nagmamadaling naghanap ng loading station).
Bakla: Narecieve mo na luv?             
Guwapo: Hu u?                     
                                     ****                             
                                                                       
In the middle of a baptismal rite, a bishop officiating said:
"Ang lambot naman ng ulo ng bata?"       
 
The pretty mother replied: "Father?dede ko po yan!"
 
                                     ****                             
Motto of the day: "Masarap magmahal kung ang minamahal mo ay masarap"
                   
                                     ****                             
Ama: Bading ka ba?                 
Anak: Opo, dadi                   
Ama: (Dinuldol sa harina c jr). Ano?! Bading  ka pa ba?!
Anak: Hin di na po.                 
Ama: Eh anon a?                   
Anak: Geisha na po! (Ang taray!)           
                                                                       
Always remember?No matter how bad you are?You are not totally
useless.. You can always be?.used as a BAD EXAMPLE! Inspiring! Hehe
                                    ****                               
Kagabi, sumakay ako sa jeep?lahat cla nakatingin skin?ang sama
ng tingin Nla skin?cnubukan kong mag-abot ng bayad pro ndi nla tinangkang
kunin ang bayad ko?bigla akong kinilabutan?hanggang sa my kumalabit na
matanda sa akin at sinabing?."Arkilado namin ito.." hehehe 
Logged
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
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