Shared by Husam Abedaker
By MIKE STROBEL
Few things are as dangerous as the questions posed at beauty pageants.
You never know what horrors will emerge from between those lovely lips.
For instance, this from South Carolina's rep in the Miss Teen USA 2007 pageant:
Q: Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?
Miss South Carolina: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, um, some people out there in our nation don't have maps ...
... and, uh ...
I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as ...
... and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future ...
... for us."
Yes, thank you Miss South Carolina. And, may I say, you look fabulous in a bikini.
This is of concern to me because I am again a judge in the Miss Universe Canada pageant.
And it's timely, because of what's happened to Miss California USA. This week, pageant owner Donald Trump ruled the controversial miss could keep her crown.
Her stage question got her in trouble.
"What do you think of marriage?" It was posed by blogger and gay rights advocate Perez Hilton.
Miss California replied she figured marriage ought to be between a man and a woman. This sparked a vicious crusade against the wee lass on Hilton's website -- who dug up racy photos of her, like the one on this page. There were calls to defrock her.
Trump countered: "It's the same answer the president of the United States gave. It's the same answer many people gave. She gave an honourable answer. She gave an answer from the heart."
Well, she won't do that again, eh?
The Miss Universe Canada pageant's finale is Sunday at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. That night, finalists from among 57 lovelies will get a skill-testing question. Hopefully something punchier than how she would achieve world peace.
She will have to answer while 1,200-plus people in the John Bassett Theatre hold their breath. Including us judges.
This week we break the ice in one-on-one interviews with contestants. It's like speed-dating, without the big payoff.
Usually my brain gets overloaded with images of beautiful women answering my dumb questions.
You can't just ask, "What are you doing for dinner tonight?"
I will bring a stack of queries. Such as: Want to be a SUNshine Girl?
Is that mole real?
What's your sign? You're 20? Aren't you a bit old for this?
Did you know Donald Trump owns Miss Universe, too? Ever meet him? Wasn't Celebrity Apprentice a sham? Is he sleeping with Joan Rivers, or what?
If I pick you, will you take me to the Bahamas for the worlds?
In theory, her answers can determine her pageant fate. After all, we don't want Miss Universe Canada flubbing her moment on the Bahamian stage.
Not like this, from a Miss Filipina contestant in 2007:
Q: "What role does your family play for you in this pageant?"
A: "My family's role for me is so important because they was the one .... who's very ... (giggle) ... oh, I'm so sorry ... my family, my family ... OH, MY GOD! ... I'm SO sorry ... I told you that I'm so confident ... (giggle) ... sorry guys ... because this was my first pageant ever ..."
And she won.
Which goes to show you.
Indeed, the geographically challenged Miss South Carolina mocked above was third runner-up in Miss Teen USA.
We pageant judges are a kind and forgiving lot.
I wonder how I'd do up there, trying to be articulate when everyone's looking at my chest.
Q: So, Mikey, what do you want as your legacy?
A: Well, I, uh, it's ... and there I was in Ottawa having a coupla pints ... and, you know, the Maple Leafs ... uhhh ... (ugh, they drive me nutso) ... you ever been to Siberia? ... you know ... cold place, beautiful women ... you feeling okay? ... you've gone pale ... um ... now, where was I? ... oh, yes, world peace. Toronto Sun, Canada, 14.05.09