Marriage Humour

Marriage Humour

Wife:        'What are you doing?'
Husband: 'Nothing.'

Wife:       'Nothing...?  You've been reading our
              marriage   certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

------------ --------- --------- -

Wife :      'Do you want dinner?'  

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'  

Wife:      'Yes or no.'      

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

Wife:      'You always carry my photo in your
             wallet..  Why?'

Husband: 'When there is a problem, no matter
              how great, I look at your picture and
              the problem disappears.'  

Wife:        'You see how miraculous and powerful
             I am for you?'

Husband: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself
             what other problem can there be
             greater than this one?'  

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----  

Stress Reliever

Girl:          'When we get married, I want to share
             all your worries, troubles and lighten
             your burden.'  

       'It's very kind of you, darling, but I
             don't have any worries or troubles.'  

Girl:         'Well that's because we aren't married
            yet.'

------------ --------- ---------

Son:       'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad
            this morning, he told me to give up my
            seat to a lady.'  

Mom:     'Well, you have done the right thing..'  

Son:       'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's
           lap.'  

____________ _________ _________ __

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'  

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'  

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----  

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'  

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'    

-----------------------------------------------------------


Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when
his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon regaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

 

this is funny dawg

this is funny dawg

yeah, it's so funny it's scares the crap out of me............the tying the knot, I mean.  hahaha!!

would someone be really nasty if you turn down some offers?

would someone be really nasty if you turn down some offers?

what exactly do you mean?  if I get it, then my answer would be..........depending on what kind of person who made the offer.  I've turned down offers (my parents putting me through college) before...........of course with my reasoning that I'd like to go on with my own steam.  so, I joined the army at 17.  and have been standing on my own two feet since.  and if the offer is going out on a date.............I've been courteous enough not to let any girl down yet.  hehehe.

Mom said to daughter about to be married, "Morning after your wedding night, email me what happen".
After the wedding, the newly married couple had a car accident. Husband's leg had to be amputated".
Daughter's email, "Terrible3X. Husband has only one foot"!!!
Mom's email, "You should be thankful. You're very lucky. Your dad has only one inch".

Marriage Humour

Wife:        'What are you doing?'
Husband: 'Nothing.'

Wife:        'Nothing...?  You've been reading our
              marriage   certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

------------ --------- --------- -

Wife :      'Do you want dinner?' 

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?' 

Wife:       'Yes or no.'     

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

Wife:      'You always carry my photo in your
             wallet..  Why?'

Husband: 'When there is a problem, no matter
              how great, I look at your picture and
              the problem disappears.' 

Wife:        'You see how miraculous and powerful
             I am for you?'

Husband: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself
             what other problem can there be
             greater than this one?' 

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----- 

Stress Reliever

Girl:           'When we get married, I want to share
             all your worries, troubles and lighten
             your burden.' 

        'It's very kind of you, darling, but I
             don't have any worries or troubles.' 

Girl:          'Well that's because we aren't married
            yet.'

------------ --------- ---------

Son:        'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad
            this morning, he told me to give up my
            seat to a lady.' 

Mom:      'Well, you have done the right thing..' 

Son:        'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's
           lap.' 

____________ _________ _________ __

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' 

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----- 

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' 

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'   

-----------------------------------------------------------


Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when
his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon regaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

 

Nice!

Mom said to daughter about to be married, "Morning after your wedding night, email me what happen".
After the wedding, the newly married couple had a car accident. Husband's leg had to be amputated".
Daughter's email, "Terrible3X. Husband has only one foot"!!!
Mom's email, "You should be thankful. You're very lucky. Your dad has only one inch".

hahahhahaha....nice one Juan....

Mom said to daughter about to be married, "Morning after your wedding night, email me what happen".
After the wedding, the newly married couple had a car accident. Husband's leg had to be amputated".
Daughter's email, "Terrible3X. Husband has only one foot"!!!
Mom's email, "You should be thankful. You're very lucky. Your dad has only one inch".

yikes!!  time for "extense"! hahaha!