Jokes Galore

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juan

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20 Minutes
« Reply #20 on: September 18, 2010, 09:29:30 PM »
"A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes."  ;D
- Robert Frost
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

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juan

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Money or Sex Appeal
« Reply #21 on: September 22, 2010, 07:16:29 PM »
A young girl was asked to choose between marrying a man with money and marrying a man with sex appeal.
The girl replied, "I prefer a man with money 'coz when I grow old, his money will be my sex appeal".
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

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OMG

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Re: Jokes Galore
« Reply #22 on: September 22, 2010, 07:17:47 PM »
that's so true hahaha

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juan

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Re: Jokes Galore
« Reply #23 on: September 25, 2010, 09:25:24 PM »
that's so true hahaha

Oh, yes, in Paris, there are many lonely rich old ladies looking for gigolos. Unfortunately for us, lampas na tayo sa kalendaryo para sa kanila. They prefer blokes below 25.  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
« Last Edit: September 25, 2010, 09:38:07 PM by juan »
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

*

devildawg

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Re: Jokes Galore
« Reply #24 on: September 25, 2010, 10:32:32 PM »
A married couple was on vacation in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You! Foreigners! Come in, come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try them on."
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming; "YOU GOT THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!!!"  ;D ;D ;D

bwaaahahaha!! ;) :) 8)
"......... anything you say can be and will be used against you.........!" (excerpt from Miranda vs. Arizona, 1966, Fifth Amendment, US Constitution)

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OMG

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Re: Jokes Galore
« Reply #25 on: September 26, 2010, 12:46:56 AM »
Oh, yes, in Paris, there are many lonely rich old ladies looking for gigolos. Unfortunately for us, lampas na tayo sa kalendaryo para sa kanila. They prefer blokes below 25.  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

but i can still dance like a gigolo  :-[

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juan

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Re: Jokes Galore
« Reply #26 on: September 26, 2010, 07:58:49 PM »
but i can still dance like a gigolo  :-[

Well, you can always try your luck. Mentioned this elsewhere.
Pick one who doesn't have long to live. Win her heart. Before marrying, specify in the pre-nup agreement that you be her only heir. Or, well, at least a generous piece of the pie.
Then, catalyze her death by constantly pumping on her.
When she dies, taga-i lang nya kog bahin, ha? Bisag leftover lang. Hehehe.
Di man kaha ka motuog gaba.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

j

juan

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Morse Code
« Reply #27 on: October 02, 2010, 07:59:26 PM »
When telegram was still the fastest way to send msge, a telegram operator, Kulas, was dot2Xing wife's u-kno while they were asleep. Wife woke up.
Wife : Kulas, nag-unsa ka diha?
Kulas : Nagdamgo ko nga nagpadala kog telegrama.
Wife : Unsaon gud nimo pagpadala? Wa pa gani nimo gi-plug?
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

j

juan

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The Good Wife
« Reply #28 on: November 15, 2010, 12:01:35 AM »
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied. ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

j

juan

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My bird sh*ts
« Reply #29 on: November 15, 2010, 12:06:36 AM »
What would you do if a bird shits on your windscreen???
I would never take her out again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you hear about the "blind" skunk??
It fell in love with a fart!!  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
« Last Edit: November 15, 2010, 12:07:37 AM by juan »
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.