Jokes Galore

(11) Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
        Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are
        you close-by?"
        2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing
        the tonsils."

(12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a penis. This is because it can be lifted up even by just a simple thought.

First Prize USD25,000.00

(2) Immigrant Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
     Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
     2 hours later.
     Immigrant Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You
     got nice house."

Grand Prize USD50,000.00

1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
    Mom asked "How do you know dear?"
    Girl replied "Last night, when we made love, his                
    cock was still in plastic cover."

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware
that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the
height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this
would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With
a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a
little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked
her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the
bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and
yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends.'

A man was asked, "If you happen by a dark alley and notice a lovely teenage lass being raped, what will you do"?
The man replied, "First, I'll rescue her. Then, I'll resume the rape. Why not? I certainly deserve the reward for saving her".

ali g quote " i think the US government needs to increase the punishments for suicide bombers"

The teacher at the suicide bomber School said to the class at their first lesson:
"The only way to learn how to trigger a bomb is to see it".
"Watch closely, I will only show you this once"

BOOOOM!!!!!

boom boom pow

you go grocery shopping, and put 1 little pack of sausages, two potatoes and 2 carrots on the conveyor at the supermarket.
The checkout girl looks at those then up at you and says ' so you're single then.'
You reply ' yes I am did the groceries give it away?'
and she says
'no its because you are damn ugly'