Jokes Galore

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juan

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Terrorism
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2010, 09:40:15 PM »
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."  :) ;)
- Sam Kinison
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

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juan

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A happy marriage
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2010, 09:12:21 PM »
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.  ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

j

juan

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going through hell
« Reply #12 on: September 04, 2010, 09:13:44 PM »
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell. ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

j

juan

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self-defense
« Reply #13 on: September 04, 2010, 09:15:02 PM »
They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense  ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

j

juan

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So they say
« Reply #14 on: September 04, 2010, 09:17:41 PM »
They say that until a man is married he is incomplete.
It must be true
Because after he is married he is finished.  ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

j

juan

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MALE OR FEMALE?
« Reply #15 on: September 08, 2010, 10:02:50 PM »
You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them.
SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.
(Anonymous)
 :) ;) :D ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

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Re: Jokes Galore
« Reply #16 on: September 08, 2010, 10:21:55 PM »
The Remote Control is really interesting

Re: Jokes Galore
« Reply #17 on: September 08, 2010, 11:53:09 PM »
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell. ;D

Love is not just a word or a feeling. It is a deed that you do. Love needs no compromise and there is no half-measure. It is all or nothing!!
don't count the things you think you've done for someone. Instead, count the number of times you felt better, just because you made them happy. =)

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A Tale of Two Monks
« Reply #18 on: September 10, 2010, 12:36:00 AM »
In ancient times, two monks, an old and a young one, were walking together. In this order of monks, any contact with women was strictly forbidden. The two monks came to a stream, swollen by the spring rains.

A beautiful young woman stood on the bank crying her heart out. "Why are you crying?" the old monk asked. She replied that she wanted to go to her father's house to attend her sister's wedding, but that the stream was too high to cross.

"No problem at all," said the old monk, and he picked the young woman up and carried her across the stream. When he sat her down on the other side, she thanked him profusely, and went on her way.

The two monks continued their journey. But the older monk could see that his young companion was becoming more and more disturbed. "What's troubling you, brother?" he asked.

The jealous younger monk exploded in anger. "You know we're not supposed to have anything to do with women, and you picked that woman up and carried her across the stream!"

"I picked her up and set her down," replied the old, wise monk, "You have been carrying her all this way." ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.

j

juan

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  • Fate is the hunter for my holy grail.
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Jamaica Holiday
« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2010, 10:26:04 PM »
A married couple was on vacation in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You! Foreigners! Come in, come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try them on."
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming; "YOU GOT THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!!!"  ;D ;D ;D
"true love is life's best treasure.
wealth and fame may pass away,
bring no joy or lasting pleasure.
true love abides all way.
through the world i'll gladly go,
if one true love i know."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________
Everyone, who came into my world, left footprints in my heart. Some, so faint, I can hardly detect them. Others, so clear, I can easily discern them. Regardless, they all influenced me. They all made me who I am.