Jokes Galore

Q. Why do couples hold hands during weddings?
A. It is just a formality. Like "2 boxers", they shake hands before the fight begins.

This scandal happened while riding a bus in Makati. The boy and the girl were beside me. The boy started fondling the girl’s breast. The girl unbuttoned her shirt and exposed her breast. The boy then sucked the girl’s nipple. Oh, terrible2X scandal!
At saka, ang batang-bata pa ng dalawa! Ang babae cguro mid-20s lang. Ang lalaki ..... 4 months. 

nice one juan

Q. Why do couples hold hands during weddings?
A. It is just a formality. Like "2 boxers", they shake hands before the fight begins.

"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy."
- Anonymous

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be
married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work.

The conversation drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in
some S&M role playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes.

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end
of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat.
When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it, and all I had on
was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so
aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'

The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my
fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask,
leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we
not only made love all night, but he also wants to move up our wedding
date!'

The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I
made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long
scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight
leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch
stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home
from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, '"Hey,
Batman, what's for dinner? ''

An elderly couple had been dating for sometime. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to approach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then, looking over his glasses, he casually asked...... "Was that one word or two? "

Son: Dad, I want to marry my gf.
Dad: No, son, no. That girl is your sister but your mum doesn't know.
Daughter: Dad, I want to marry my bf.
Dad: No, daughter, no. That boy is your brother but your mum doesn't know.
Son & Daughter: Mum, we want to marry our sweethearts.
Mum: Go, children, go. You have my blessings. Your daddy ain't your daddy but your daddy doesn't know.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. (anonymous)"

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.